Have you ever met someone and, within the first five minutes of talking to them, you feel a bit uncomfortable? They haven't done anything overtly offensive, but something just doesn't quite sit right. Maybe it was the way they made a criticism disguised as a joke, or how they monopolised the conversation without showing much interest in what you had to say. Whatever the case, intuition sometimes activates a red flag suggesting we might not be dealing with a genuine person - and sometimes, it's not wrong.
Surprisingly, it doesn't take in-depth psychological analysis to quickly detect someone who is inauthentic or unkind; simply knowing how to accurately read the signs and context is enough. Psychologist Cristina Jurado explains that even in a brief interaction, you can really pick up more information about a person than you think.
"Sometimes, in just five minutes of conversation, we can spot details that indicate that the other person is unkind," she notes. "You don't want to pigeonhole someone based on a single attitude, but it is possible to pick up on certain patterns." Certainly, no one is advising you to go through life judgeing people - but you can learn how to identify repeated behaviours that could be harmful.
There are several revealing clues that can warn us whether we need to be more cautious with someone.
When it comes to recognising someone's real intentions, it's not just red flags that you need to pay attention to. Just as certain attitudes can cause alarm, others - however subtle - convey authenticity and security. Some people bring light to other people's lives; often, you can recognise a kind or genuine person by how they make you feel, even if they don't say much.
"These people make you feel at peace, you can sense that they have no intention of trying to prove anything to you. They might be quiet, but there's still a sense of respect, safety and calm in their presence," says the psychologist.
There are also other factors that ultimately indicate that the person in front of you is likely trustworthy:
Various studies over the years have found that first impressions may not be precise, but they do contain a significant amount of non-verbal and emotional information. That said, Jurado clarifies that these clues should be taken with some caution.
Perceiving an uncomfortable sign doesn't always mean we're dealing with an untrustworthy person. Some people are going through difficult times or are acting in a mode of self-protection. Others may be neurodivergent, or simply shy or awkward in their initial interactions. Therefore, it's not about rushing to judgement or labelling, but about observing interactions carefully.
Knowing how to read certain attitudes can help us protect ourselves, but it also reminds us that all of us - at some point - have made someone else feel uncomfortable.
The guidelines aren't so you can judge from a distance, they're so you can build connections with greater awareness, paying close attention to not only what is said... but also how it makes you feel.
Cristina Jurado is a psychologist and director of Spain's El Gabinete mental health clinic.