According to the Surgeon General, parents aren't okay. Earlier this year, an advisory warning was issued saying that the pressure parents are under has become nothing short of a public health crisis.
Based on a report by the American Psychological Association, over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely than other adults to report experiencing high levels of stress. The report found that 48% of parents said they're completely overwhelmed by stress and 41% say they can't function most days because of it. A conversation with any mom or dad will likely validate this finding. The pressure cooker of parenthood is real, and moms and dads admit they can't keep up -- particularly during the holiday season.
On a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 is "Not at all me" and 5 is "Very much me," how much do each of the following words describe you? Percent of adults 18+ who rated each word as a 4 or 5.
All of this is impacting parents' overall mental health, with 69% of parents saying they are worried they have a mental health condition compared to 59% of non-parents. This stress naturally takes a toll on family life and may even impact the economy: 66% of parents say their mental health impacts their job performance as compared to just 44% of non-parents.
Who can blame them? The economy has been trying to make a soft landing since the pandemic; political instability is the new norm (this past presidential election particularly put the country on edge); the safety nets families used to count on -- from social security and job security to being able to afford health care and a home -- are not nearly as reliable or accessible. And then there are college applications, tuition payments, and raising kids in the TikTok era, which is an entirely new terrain. It's no wonder moms and dads are breaking down.
By the time the holidays come around, parents are tapped out. It may be the "most wonderful time of the year," but holiday stress often includes difficult family dynamics, higher spending, busier schedules, and the pressure to make everything perfect.
However, what we found is that moms and dads diverge in the mental health challenges they face. As such, they need different coping mechanisms -- particularly during the hectic holiday season.
While this data didn't document how many activities moms take on each day compared to dads, moms report they are statistically more tired than dads. In fact, 44% of moms say the word "tired" describes them well (a 4 or 5 on a 5-point scale) as compared to 39% of dads; and 19% of moms say "tired" is one of the top five words that describes them, more than double the percentage of dads who agree (8%).
Moms were 65% more likely than dads to say their perfect day would start with "A good night's sleep" (33% vs. 20%).
They'd also prefer sleep (57%) to romance (43%) -- whereas dads prefer romance (54%) to sleep (46%).
When moms eat, they're frequently doing so while taking care of other business. The number one way moms describe their eating pattern is "automatic: I tend to eat on autopilot while I'm multitasking." Dads' top eating pattern, on the other hand, is "enthusiastic: I make food a priority, the majority of my social activities revolve around eating."
All this paints a picture of moms burning out as they try to keep all the balls in the air. Here are tips from a licensed clinical psychologist, Jessica Yu, Ph.D., for moms to slow down during this holiday season and take stock of their mental health.
Compared to moms, dads report being more depressed and lonelier (see Mental Health Metrics Among Moms & Dads).
While it's not certain why, too much screen time may play a role -- 57% of dads say social media is impactful or very impactful on their day-to-day lives as compared to just 43% of moms.
Dads also care far more about how they look on social media than moms (46% vs. 39%). Furthermore, dads are more likely to say social media is a significant stressor for them than are moms (18% vs. 13%).
During the holidays, social comparison is more pervasive, and stressful, than during other times of year. Who doesn't want to keep up with the Joneses, or the other families on Instagram posting about their perfect holiday plans (home decorated with mistletoe, ski trip to Tahoe, etc.). Unplugging, among other things, is key for dads to restabilize. Here's a look at a few other psychologist-backed tips for dads.