There are several reasons why someone might believe they're smarter than everyone around them, sabotaging genuine connection and instilling resentment into their interactions. According to psychosocial rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry, the Dunning-Kruger effect could spark this cognitive bias, while other experts chalk it up to pure narcissism.
Regardless of the root of this misguided intellectual confidence, there are several phrases used by people who think they're smarter than you but aren't -- phrases that are inherently demeaning and hurtful. By recognizing these phrases and condescending tendencies in your relationships, you can set healthy boundaries, standing up for yourself and refusing to tolerate disrespectful people who walk all over you.
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Professor and licensed clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff argues that dismissive behavior is a direct way for people to make you feel unheard and underappreciated, supporting their one misguided superiority in a conversation, connection, or relationship.
Even in a conversation where you perfectly understand a concept, a person who believes they're inherently smarter than you will dismissively use a phrase like this to degrade your point of view or contradict your opinions. They attack your intellect, rather than your opinions or debate, to shield themselves from being wrong or feeling embarrassed.
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By undermining another person's comprehension of a topic or their understanding of an idea, people who mistakenly believe they're smarter than others can attack another individual's confidence. By dismissing their thoughts and making them feel fundamentally unheard, they protect themselves from valid pushback, only fueling their misguided cycle of power and superiority.
This isn't solely an intellectual-based criticism either; it can manifest in intimate relationships and friendships with people uncomfortable expressing honest emotion. This gaslighting tactic helps narcissists and toxic partners to avoid taking accountability for their hurtful comments and removing themselves from having to engage in vulnerable conversations.
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Dismissive, derogatory, and hurtful -- that's the foundation of the majority of these phrases used by people who think they're smarter than you but aren't. By suggesting you're not understanding something or aren't smart enough to grasp what they're arguing, they remove themselves from having to explain themselves or take accountability.
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Used both by people with "technical" degrees and education and those who don't, a phrase like this has the same intent as any other: make the person they're speaking with feel less intelligent to boast their own misguided knowledge.
This might manifest as a means to dismiss your opinions, invalidate your emotions, and even completely degrade your point in a conversation. According to experts at Grouport Therapy, feeling invalidated is tied to being unheard or misunderstood in ways that can manifest across verbal and nonverbal communication tactics.
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By alluding to their own complex thinking processes and suggesting your conversation is inherently superficial, people who think they're smarter than you can indirectly degrade your intellect and understanding, something with a phrase as simple as this one.
Similarly to how someone with an inflated sense of self or status will utilize name-dropping techniques or interruptions to assert their superiority, intellectually misguided people will use a phrase like this to put themselves on a pedestal.
People who rely on a misguided sense of intellect to assert their superiority often struggle with not knowing. Whether it's something they don't understand or an emotion they're not comfortable addressing, they demonize it rather than trying to learn it.
Even in conversations with other people, these people will shift their perceived embarrassment over to other people, not truly understanding that there's a healthy level of comfort in not knowing everything.
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People with misguided intelligence and a superiority complex often claim they're "brutally honest," rather than admitting their actions and comments are simply hurtful and dismissive. If someone is constantly hurting your feelings or making you feel unheard, especially in the misguided name of honesty, take a step back and reassess their position in your life.
Professor Louay Safi argues in "Leading with Compassion" that the healthy people in our lives lead with compassion in their conversations, even in conflict, even amid disagreements, and even more adamantly when they're supporting someone who's struggling. Remember that.
If you're trying to learn something new or struggling to understand a concept and someone continually throws a phrase like this at you, they're not as smart as they're trying to convince others that they are. A truly intelligent person will take the time to teach and even find joy in helping someone learn, because they're driven by curiosity and not pride.
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Any kind of unprompted or unsolicited advice, whether from a friend, a parent, or a passing stranger, isn't going to land well, especially in an already tense conversation with misguided power dynamics. Keep your opinions to yourself, like experts at Denver Metro Counseling explain, because even if it isn't intended as such, this kind of advice often feels manipulative and derogatory.
Typically used to illuminate the contrast between someone's opinion and "the truth," the word "actually" feels much more demeaning and accusatory in passing conversations with people who think they're smarter than you than it might in other settings.
If it feels condescending, it probably is. If you don't feel respected in a conversation with a phrase like this, you're probably not surrounded by people that value your space or understand you.
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Many narcissistic people rely on a misguided intellectual confidence to assert their dominance with other people and in specific settings like the workplace. According to a study published in the Current Directions in Psychological Science, they're driven by self-preservation and external validation, and always willing to put other people down to help their own image and superiority.
A phrase like this, one of the many phrases used by people who think they're smarter than you but aren't, serves as a vessel for these narcissists to avoid accountability for their hurtful comments and derogatory sayings. They might be "honest," but they're also being manipulative, rude, and self-serving.
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Implying that the person they're speaking to isn't smart enough or complex enough to grasp a simple issue, phrases like this completely dismiss the health of a productive debate or conversation. Instead of explaining things thoroughly or giving people grace, they support their own misguided intellect and superiority by demeaning others.
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If you're actively acting for advice, a phrase like this might not feel cruel; rather, it might be tough love from a friend or advice from a parent. However, when this phrase is unsolicited, it morphs into something completely different and malicious.
Starting with "just," anyone using this little word is already demeaning another, arguing that whatever they're struggling with isn't actually that difficult and they're overcomplicating or not understanding something.
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