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Hello! Is FIFA's Club World Cup the biggest show in town? You'd think so, judging by its absurd draw ceremony.
On the way:
I planned to start today's TAFC with an old joke revisited: we watched the draw for the 2025 Club World Cup so you didn't have to. But I'm rowing back rapidly because if yesterday's ceremony passed you by, you missed the definitive demonstration of how preposterous FIFA has become.
We feared there might be some preening involved, but even I wasn't ready for just how much. Forget how separating 32 teams into eight groups took almost two hours. To this point, the football aspect of next summer's Club World Cup has been incidental anyway. FIFA, the governing body of world football, is creating a circus in the hope that people will be intrigued enough to stick their heads in the tent.
Top of the billing was a state-of-the-union address from United States president-elect Donald Trump, a friend of FIFA president Gianni Infantino (Trump wasn't in Miami in person but he sent in a video message). It might just have been his lilt but he appeared to be calling Infantino 'Jonny' -- which actually suits a man who would have a go at selling you your own house.
Trump's daughter, Ivanka, started the draw. This is what they mean about keeping politics out of sport. Arsene Wenger, the ex-Arsenal manager, was made to dance on stage, dying inside as he did. The former Juventus playmaker Alessandro Del Piero quipped about migrants, adding to the multiple layers of cringe.
We got a first glimpse of the trophy, a shield-style bling thing that is ostentatious and superbly on brand. It comes with a key to open it (you tell me) and it bears Infantino's signature. In case you're wondering, FIFA is not underselling its new toy. This is big, baby -- whether you think so or not.
The serious side of yesterday's party in Miami was the actual draw, which threw up the odd enticing fixture. Bayern Munich versus Boca Juniors in Group C sounds like fun. Manchester City and Juventus also share a section (along with Al Ain, a club from Abu Dhabi where City's ownership group resides -- small world).
It all still feels fairly opaque, though. The mix of teams from so many parts of the world makes it hard to gauge how competitive the group stages will be. Basing the Club World Cup at 12 venues across 11 U.S. cities begs the question of whether attendance can comprise actual fans of the participants. Will this have any cultural resonance? Or is it just a commercial event?
FIFA has effectively railroaded the CWC into the football calendar, fending off opposition to it. That was the message yesterday: this is on and it's going to be touted as the event of the year (fake it 'til you make it, that sort of process). What FIFA wants, FIFA usually gets -- and Infantino would have let the CWC crumble over his dead body.
The egos and competing interests within the CWC bubble are epic. Adam Crafton attended the draw for The Athletic and his write-up on it is essential reading. You can feel money on the minds of everybody concerned.
The broadcast deal FIFA belatedly struck with DAZN this week is worth $1bn (£780m), according to sources at the governing body. Clubs will want a hefty cut of that, especially if they're supposed to commit full-blown squads.
How will it be divvied up? And how much will be left to split, because who knows how much the tournament itself is going to cost? FIFA's modus operandi for everything was the story of yesterday's riot: go big or go home.
Time was when the Tottenham Hotspur faithful would fight you over any criticism of 'Angeball'. We're embracing the thrill of the tactics, they'd say. The big man needs time to perfect it.
And true, Ange Postecoglou did need time. Plenty of it, to be honest, and he probably warrants more -- but there's always an anxious tipping point for a head coach: the day when criticism is no longer the sole domain of the media but something those same fans are voicing too.
Postecoglou reached the edge of that cliff last night after a limp 1-0 defeat at Bournemouth. Spurs weren't great. They're 10th in the Premier League, which isn't great either, and they're in a perennial cycle of getting it together and then losing it.
At full time, Postecoglou engaged in a brief argument with a group of supporters in the away end. It wasn't a good look. "They gave me some direct feedback, which I guess is taken on board," he said. So went the latest instalment of Angeball: a style of play that can only be defined as a major bone of contention.
Tomorrow, Goodison Park will stage its 120th Merseyside derby. And its last. Everton are off to fresh pastures at the end of the season and despite the online videos of flood water cascading down the stairs of their new ground yesterday, it's taking shape nicely.
I'd guess that as an Everton supporter, or a Liverpool fan for that matter, you hear echoes of the derby raging anytime you stand inside Goodison. The tapestry of that rivalry is fantastic. Our writers from both camps and former players took time to look back on their most memorable games at Goodison. They have created a touching scrapbook, tinged with nostalgia and love.
Not much beats Dom Fifield's selection of Everton 2 Liverpool 3 in 2001. Breathless from the off, Duncan Ferguson rampaging as he loved to do in derbies, Gary McAllister winning it with an outrageous free kick in stoppage time (above): that contest was bedlam, and it's the one I'll take with me.
Mohamed Salah scored and assisted against Newcastle United on Wednesday, for the 37th time in a Premier League match. He holds the outright record, ahead of Wayne Rooney -- but can you name the rest of the top 10 (which is actually a top 11)?
Saturday: MLS Cup, final: LA Galaxy vs New York Red Bulls, 9pm/2am Sunday -- Apple TV; Premier League: Everton vs Liverpool, 7.30am/12:30pm -- USA Network, Fubo/TNT Sports; Manchester United vs Nottingham Forest, 12.30pm/5.30pm -- NBC, Fubo/Sky Sports; La Liga: Real Betis vs Barcelona, 10.15am/3.15pm -- ESPN, Fubo/Premier Player; Bundesliga: Gladbach vs Borussia Dortmund, 12.30pm/5.30pm -- ESPN/Sky Sports.
Sunday: Premier League: Fulham vs Arsenal, 9am/2pm -- Peacock/Sky Sports; Tottenham Hotspur vs Chelsea, 11.30am, 4.30pm -- USA Network, Fubo/Sky Sports; Serie A: Napoli vs Lazio, 2.45pm/7.45pm -- CBS, Paramount+/TNT Sports.
Women's Super League: Manchester United vs Liverpool, 7am/12pm -- CBS/Sky Sports.
December 6, and we have our Christmas Grinch. It's Denmark's Football Association (DBU), which fined Nordsjaelland and AGF £555 ($708) each after rival supporters... had a snowball fight during a league game. Deck the halls, eh?